Name Change: Part 4, Finally Choosing

Lady of the Lake, 2012 (c) A. M. Johnson

How did I finally land on “Vivianne Sojorhn” with a proper nickname of “Vivi”? It is so very different from my given name, my married names and all of the names I’ve auditioned before. It sounds foreign. There is nobody on Google sharing it. I had no problem getting a URL, or a gmail address for it. 

Vishnu and Ananta

About six weeks ago I started with names that sounded a lot more like my given name, “Ananda,” “Ananta,” “ Amandala,” and the list goes on. I liked the meanings and sound of the names. Ananda, for instance, was Buddha’s closest disciple, and known for his deep memory, and the name means “bliss” and is rather androgynous; though, more boys have it than girls. It also, I was told by a friend who knows, belongs to an incredible musician, the nephew of Ravi Shankar, Ananda Shankar. “Ananta” relates perfectly to my identity with Kosmic Egg Projects as it is the Cosmic Serpent that Vishnu dreams up the entire universe while riding. I really got attached to that name for a while, not that I am Hindu myself, but because one of my favorite books for the last decade has been “The Cosmic Serpent: DNA and the Origins of Knowledge”. However, I felt like I was in a hall of mirrors with names that were close to “Amanda” to the point where I found myself feeling that “Amanda” was a close as it was going to get. I would forever be drifting on “almost” no matter what I chose.

“Why not stay with Johnson?” I have been asked more than once as if I must be changing that name because I may leave. It is not for that reason at all. Johnson has been a very safe name for me. I have felt taken care of like never before by that name. During all of my health crises it has been a chrysalis in which I licked my wounds. It is clear to me now though that I feel like I’m hiding behind my husband by his name. My wings need more space for my own journey. I need to stand on my own roots.

For a last name, giving in to the idea that “Mojo” was not going to win over those closest to me in a respectable way, I fell upon “Journey” almost right away. I figured that whatever I put in front of “Journey” would be descriptive of how I feel about life itself. “Blissful,” “Dreaming,” “Kosmic,” etc all worked in front of “Journey,” but something about it was, well, too on-the-nose. Being a writer has given me the opportunity to name many characters along the way and I really do not like when a character’s name is so on-the-nose that knowing the name is knowing the entire story. It is a personal glitch that I could not abide by after a few weeks. I like a little more mystery and a little more personal detail than “Journey” could give me.

Holy Journey, Oil Pastels, 2012 (c) A.M. Johnson

Letting go of “Journey” reminded me of how many characters I’ve named, and I went searching in all of the names I’ve used in scripts and stories. I even looked at names that were high on the list for my kids’ names before they were landed. Elenore is one of my favorite names, and all of the derivatives - Noura, Norah, Lenore, Ella. Then there was Stella, after my great-great aunt and idol, Stella Starr and the Congo Parade. Names of characters I loved like Esme, Morgan, Codi, and writers I love, Barbara, Virginia, and Willa became possible. I looked at my grandmother’s names, Babette and Mary Kathryn (to be honest there are many Mary Kathryn’s now in my mother’s family and that, in truth, made the decision negative). As I went deeper into names of characters I began to think also of how to make sure it would be my name and not just a character’s name. I didn’t want to go back to a nom de plume. 

My answer was to take one or two letters from my birth names and put them in the names that I chose to audition. I also looked at what numbers were related to the names (a system used by the Kabalarians became essential) and how they added up to complement my own number 7. Things became very complex. You may have notice I’ve not done as much artwork in the last month or so. It is really because I’ve been playing an incredible puzzle called, Finding My Own Name, that includes meaning, known characteristics, numerology and pure inspiration. I guess it makes me feel the name has gone through a sort of gestation period to equal this surrender. I bow my head to my discovery.

On Our Way, 2012 (c) A.M. Johnson

The name "Vivienne" means “alive,” and that was most certainly me. After all I have been challenged with in the past, I still struggle everyday to be awake and living as fully as I can, but I won’t give up. I get the feisty feeling that what must be done will be done. As my own father described me recently as being “bad ass,” finally, this made me laugh. Even if my original name didn’t quite land me in that persona, I managed to make it to this point. Frankly, I had fallen in love with Vivienne, but it was missing something.

I started to blend in letters from my name “Amanda”, “Vivimene,” “Vivan,” “Emneiviv” and finally landed on “Vivianne” which seemed perfectly natural. “Anne” means grace, or graceful, and I loved that combination “Living gracefully,” “Graceful living,” as it is something I aim for (often doing pratfalls along the way, but I laugh!). I really also wanted to keep the “Vivi” part because I always wanted a nickname I felt great about, something easy, and what could be more lively than “Vivi”? Vivianne still needed a last name. 

I started shuffling the letters and adding one or two from my maiden name, as I had with “Vivianne”.I did not even try to bring the “M” in as the temptation towards Mojo, was gone. I used the “R” and the “S” and then I realized that the “S” was already in “Johnson”. So I narrowed down to the “R”. It came like this: first Roshjon, then Oshrojn, then Shojorn, and finally Sojorhn. I tried switching the “R” and the “H” to Sojohrn, but you can see that now the “R” and the “N” look like an “M,” so I dropped that. Of course, I loved Sojorhn as soon as I came upon it because it related loosely, not too on-the-nose now, to journey. 

Arcanum Two, Oil Pastels, 2013 (c) Vivi Sojorhn

Finally, someone asked me how it feels to change my name to Vivianne “Vivi” Sojorhn.

This is how it feels to me as I remember that I am Vivi Sojorhn now. I am no longer standing on the edge of reason. I have jumped. I cannot worry if it will work out because it must. How I move my wings or find my new bridge depends on how I serve the name, not how it serves me. As you know me as Vivi, Vivi shall be known and so I shall do my very best and that is all that is possible now. It is both thrilling and frightening and there is no turning back.

I am Vivi Sojorhn